The newness is wearing off and I'm realizing that this is my life now. That thought doesn't scare me but it does make me kind of sad for what I left behind. I read somewhere that man travels the world only to return home to find what he was looking for. I believe that. I left behind some pretty great people that I made this mistake of taking for granted. Its one thing to live a few hours from someone and not see them because both of you are busy. To live in the same town as someone but not see them as much as you'd like. It is quite another entirely to know that you can't go home. I know I'll always be able to go home if I want to. I signed up for this. It was not something that happened to me and I want to be here, but home is still 10,000 miles away. I flew over Siberia to get here. Seriously, Siberia.
I've just never been this far away from everyone and everything that's familiar to me. I've never had to exist outside of the context of my family and friends. I'm not quite sure who I am withouth you. Another part of growing up that stings a little bit. I know this experience is going to change me and it has already started to happen. They are good changes. I figure, if I can pack my bags and survive a year in a foreign country, there are few things I couldn't handle. I feel brave for probably the first time in my life. I've kind of always done what was expected. I graduated high school, went to college. This is the first thing I've ever done just for me. I'm lucky enough to be able to make a really long list of people who would not be sad at all if I packed it all in tomorrow and came back home. But I can't. This is something I need to do. I need to know what I'm really made of. I need to be able to stand on my own to feet and look the world in the eye without faltering. Its going to be hard. Hell, it already is, but I know that God would never drop me in Korea and forget about me. I know that He is here with me every step of the way. There is no greater comfort than that.
You have all been amazing at letting me know that I may be gone but I'm definitely not forgotten. You'll never know what that has meant to me. So hug the ones that you love and eat some turkey for me because I'd almost bet my life and yours, I'm having rice and kimchi.
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